Day Two

Tuesday 9th January 2007.
My Method of giving up – no hang on, Jacquie said I had to turn it into a positive. So here goes my method of being healthy and having more money in my pocket … No doesn’t flow quite so well but it will have to do. Instead of smoking a disgusting dirty, smelly, messy, unsightly cancer-inducing, emphysema promoting 4000 chemical laden cigarette I drink water and not just any water. This is Contrex a mineral water high in calcium, magnesium and potassium etc. and when the craving bites – as it does from time to time I drop one drop of Rescue Remedy at the back of my tongue – and so far so good.
You see I can lie even to myself.
9 pm Confession Time Whilst I was looking for a Boots Kalms tablet to help me sleep I found a small opened packet of tobacco – that had been left by my sister Irene under her bed. Now, I had thought that I had thrown all of my rolling papers out but there was a packet. I took the tobacco and papers downstairs and made myself a hot chocolate. I rolled one loosely, and took two drags – it did not taste at all of tobacco but of something quite unpleasant – there was absolutely no pleasure or relief in it. I scattered the tobacco and papers into the rubbish bin. You know it was a good thing that that happened – somehow that was more powerful than the abstinence.